Helping Teens Build Resilience
Teens are still very young and can feel fear and uncertainty in times of major natural disasters, especially these hurricanes, which have brought fear so close to home for thousands of people.
Events like these hurricanes, which have displaced thousands of people, can be uncertain for teens. Their friends’ parents, their own parents, and their friends have been affected by the hurricanes. Under normal circumstances, teens look to teachers, coaches, and parents to make them feel safe in times of uncertainty. But in this case, teens directly affected by the hurricanes are not in school and may have relocated to another part of the country, so they do not have contact with their teachers.
Teens also tend to turn to their peer group for support. Since so many families have relocated, they may not even have contact with their network of friends.
As teens hover on the brink of adulthood, parents may wonder how they can teach their teens to move beyond the fears that the aftermaths of the hurricanes bring. Just as your teens learned to play sports or a musical instrument, they can learn the skills of resilience — the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or even significant sources of stress.
There are strategies parents can teach their teenage kids to help build their resilience. It’s important to keep in mind that each teen’s journey along the road to resilience will be different; your knowledge of your teen will guide you.
Tips for Parents in the Aftermath of the Hurricanes
1. Talk with your teens whenever you can, even if it seems they don’t want to talk to you. When your teens have questions, answer them honestly but with reassurance. Ask them their opinion about what is happening and listen to their answers. Your teen is old enough to appreciate that you may feel uncertain or afraid as well, but you should leave no room for doubt when you talk about how you will do whatever it takes to keep your teen safe.
2. Realize that teens may experience stressors from the aftermath of these hurricanes. Your teen might already have been feeling extreme highs and lows because of hormonal levels in his body; the uncertainty during the aftermath of the hurricanes can make these shifts seem more extreme. Be understanding but firm when a teen responds to stress with angry or sullen behavior or bravado. Reassure him that you just expect him to do his best.
3. Tell your teens that they will be all right. Engage teenage kids in planning the family’s new living situation strategy and go over what each family member will do in different scenarios. Make sure your teen knows how her actions contribute to the entire family’s well-being. If your teen knows that she has a role to play and that she can help, she will feel more in control and more confident.
4. Watch your teens for signs of fear and anxiety that they may not be able to put into words. Is your teen unusually sullen or withdrawn? He may be feeling the pressure of what is going on in the world around him. If he has trouble putting his feelings into words, encourage him to write it out on paper.
5. Put things into a proper perspective for your teens. Chances are that many parents and teens have never been through a disaster of this magnitude. Tell your teen that things will progress. Point out times when your teen has faced up to and conquered something frightening, whether it was asking someone out on a date or applying for a job. When you talk about bad times, make sure you talk about the good times in the future as well.
(Adapted from Resilience in a Time of War: Tips for Parents and Teachers of Teens)
Source: The American Psychological Association